holidays - hope - & empty chairs

As we say goodbye to October & say hello to November we start to look forward to spending time with family and friends for the holidays.

We anticipate a time of Thanksgiving and the celebration of the birth of our Savior.

But...this year we look forward to it with a bit of a heavy heart.
For our family this season is going to be filled with firsts.

Because his year we have said goodbye to some pretty special people.

First we lost 2 grandpas within weeks of each other.
When I married into the VanKoevering family I gained 2 sets of grandparents. Having lost my paternal grandparents when I was younger & not living close to my maternal grandmother, I looked forward to their presence in my life and the lives of my children.

In those final days we spent time at the Hospice house with Grandpa Hass & shared all sorts of memories of our years with him. We remembered "great-grandpas fair", summer picnics, wiener roasts, Christmas gatherings & dirty jokes. We remembered his love for each of us & his pride in having the largest family of all his siblings. In truth...we had him with us in this life much longer than we thought we would...but that did not make his leaving less painful. It is hard to imagine having Christmas without him!

It was only a few weeks later that we said goodbye to Grandpa Van. Again we enjoyed remembering all the years we had with him. Knowing that when Grandpa greeted you it would be with "your lookin good!" Looking at all the old pictures...realizing that Grandpa looked a bit like one of the old movie stars in his younger days. It was from him [and grandma] we learned that "things" can't make you happy. I always loved that they never bought cards for each other...they just stood in the card isle and found the card they would give...let the other read it & that was enough!

It was amazing that each funeral we attended in April was an awesome reflection of just who each Grandpa was! I am so grateful that God allowed me to be part of these two amazing men's lives.

In early summer I got a text from my mom saying that her mother had passed away. I was not very close to this Grandma...but had some memories of holidays together as a child. I was able to travel to Missouri with my mom a few years ago to visit Grandma. She was just as I had remembered her. The same voice, and always singing. We got together in late August to celebrate her life.

In September my Uncle Gil joined our every growing family in heaven. We gathered to celebrate his life with laughter and with tears. I have a few childhood memories of Uncle Gil... the most vivid of him stopping at our house in his county truck for coffee. Uncle Gil was the 10th of the Nienhuis brothers & sisters [including spouses] to enter heaven.

Days before Uncle Gil's funeral my Uncle Pete was hospitalized. An illness that did not seem serious at first, just swollen glands, ended up being a rare blood disorder and after a few roller coaster weeks in the ICU he said goodbye to this world. He was only 61. I remember thinking that we expect to bury our grandparent, parents & aunts and uncles...but we plan on doing it when they are very old! After they have loved us and our children for many...many years. This was the most difficult goodbye of the year. This was the goodbye that just did not seem fair!

So as I look forward to the holidays I don't look forward to the empty chairs.

What will the big Hassevoort Christmas look like without Grandpa sitting there next to Grandma?
There will be no New Years Day birthday celebration for Grandpa Van. He would have been 93 this year!! We have already experienced Sunday coffee without Uncle Pete...and it is a strange feeling. To anticipate him walking it right behind Aunt Sharon...to anticipate his booming laughter from the other room.

But...as we enter this season of Thanksgiving & Hope I want to give thanks for the ways that each of these people touched my life. I am thankful for all the life lessons that I gained and all the love that I was given. I am mostly thankful for the legacy of faith that these individuals have left us. They lived lives that radiated the love of Christ. They taught us the meaning of hard work, generosity, love & compassion.

As I move forward into the part of this journey without their earthly presence I understand more deeply the importance of a sweet baby boy who was born one silent night. A baby boy who came to save me & you! Who came to give me hope that even though I do not have my grandpas, grandma & uncles with me here on earth...even though the goodbyes were painful...they really weren't goodbyes at all. I will see them all again...along with the countless others who have gone before them. When I think of the reunion that they entered into upon their deaths...and when I think ahead to my reunion with them someday...Oh the joy that fills my heart! While I don't look forward to the empty chairs here on earth...just imagine the chair that they will be sitting in this holiday season. Imagine who they get to have holiday dinners with this year!!